2013: why I failed and why it’s okay

Apologies for the long gap between this post and my last post! I have no excuse other than laziness and procrastination. And so today I’ll be touching on that same laziness and procrastination.

As I’ve said before, I sat my Leaving Cert twice. Once in 2016, and once in 2013. Obviously I was a lot more successful on the second try! But I’ve been thinking about what went wrong the first time.

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I have never been particularly studious. I know I’m intelligent and more than capable when I put my mind to it. But I had always done the bare minimum amount of work. I was pretty sure I was going to get the points that year, and get my place, and go off to college alongside my friends. I would be qualifying as a midwife this September instead of starting the course. It’s a strange thought.

But clearly, that didn’t happen. About this time four years ago, I was offered a place in the Pre-Nursing course. I remember it so well, I picked up the post on my way to a study session in the school (it was the easter break) and the letter was there. I bounced into the library and was congratulated. I wonder did I get even more  laid back from there? Was I doing any work at all before that point? Or did I, as my mother predicted, sit back and relax with the security of having somewhere to go that autumn?

 

I remember getting my Leaving Cert results that first year, and feeling sick. I threw myself into helping my friends add up their points, congratulating every single girl near me, avoiding the teachers who would ask how I did. I went home and got back into bed. I had a really, really long cry. I went out and got a hundred kinds of drunk over the next eight days (not a suitable coping mechanism). I avoided checking my email when college offers came a week later.

I felt like the biggest failure. I struggled to be excited about starting the one year course. After about ten days, I just had an intense feeling of relief. At least I had somewhere to go, something productive to do for the next nine months. It would at the very least get me a job (which it did), and the best that could happen would be it got me into midwifery (which it didn’t).

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I think the point of this post is to not let one failure feel like the end. I have more failures to ramble on about, 2013 is the first of many. But as I see offers and rejections in the UK rolling out, I do sometimes get pulled back to that feeling. I can only speak for myself, but I am quite glad that I didn’t get what I wanted in 2013. I believe that everything happens for a reason. Now, at twenty two, I am so much more experienced than that eighteen year old girl. I am stronger. I am smarter. I have finally started to grow some kind of backbone, and stand up for myself in professional settings. I don’t take things so personally. I’m happier too, and I think that’s so important. If you get rejected from one or more university, if you don’t get your first choice (or any of your choices, like me), it is absolutely fine to fall apart for a little while. The key part is getting yourself back in one piece.

If you find yourself facing rejection, I have a few tips to offer:

  • Let yourself feel sad. It’s okay. You can wallow for a while, this is tough stuff.
  • Do something to make yourself feel good. Do your hair or your nails, get up and dance, go to the ocean or the mountains.
  • Do not lock yourself away.
  • Do not give up. Look at this as extra time in the journey – what experience can you get between now and the next try? What can you do for yourself?

So, accept failure! It is definitely a learning experience. If you have stories to share about failure in your college applications, job applications, anything at all, leave it in the comments (you never know who it could help). If you want to chat about anything I’ve brought up, please let me know!  ❀

 

My Path to Midwifery

I was always fascinated by pregnancy. I just didn’t realise that there was a job to go with this passion, until shows like One Born Every Minute and Call the Midwife came on tv. While they obviously aren’t all that realistic, they showed me that there was something in the world for me to do with passion.

It was a little bit like a stereotypical “calling.” It was as if all the pieces of myself – the fascination with everything from conception to toddlerhood, the empathy I was able to feel for people, and the giant lump of feminisim –  came together to form this picture of me, the midwife.

So I took up biology for my Leaving Cert (Irish version of GCSE, A level, SAT type exams I think) and in 2013, I didn’t get the marks that I needed to get a place. I was devastated.

But I was very lucky and had a place in level 5 Pre-Nursing which was one year long. I ended up with ten Distinctions (80% or more).

From that course, I was able to start working in elderly care in March 2014. I’ve worked in care at home and nursing home care.

I got an offer for Intellectual Disability Nursing that year and in a slight panic about ending up with no job and doubts that I would never get my dream, I accepted the place. I completed the first year but my heart just wasn’t in it, so I left.

I went back to repeat my Leaving Cert. I was in regular classes five days a week, grinds on Wednesday nights and Saturday mornings. It was hard. But in August I got my results, great results that I am so proud of and that were worth dragging myself around the place for a year. I was 100 points up from my original exams and I was offered my first choice, Midwifery in Dundalk Institute of Technology. I’ll be starting there in September 2017, and working and saving up money until then.

So this post is in part, an introduction, and in part just to show that it is achievable. It may take time, and you may have to go the whole way around the system (like I did) to get there. But if you can keep going, do. You will arrive at your dream with so much experience and even more passion than you thought possible.

 

Please feel free to share your stories and your journeys in the comments! Whether you’re just starting out on your application, you’re on your fourth cycle, or you’re about to qualify (or retire) I would love to hear about it ❀

 

 

the big Offer

I can’t quite believe that my offer was six months ago today – and that I almost forgot about it!

Here is a little entry I made about that day back at the end of August, when I originally planned on starting this blog.

Monday August 22nd offers day. Since 2013, offers day has been painful and difficult for me, either not getting what I wanted or getting nothing at all (I don’t know which was worse). I had knots in my stomach about it from the minute I finished the exams in June. I had spent the weekend keeping myself as busy as possible, trying not to think about what I would do if I didn’t get Midwifery again. But Monday morning came, and I woke up at 06:08am beside my partner, who was fast asleep. I very quietly checked my emails on my phone, and felt my heart sink – no email. Hoping very hard, and trying to breathe normally, I logged into the CAO. And there it was, DK877 Midwifery, you have been offered a place. I went downstairs, texted my mother, emailed admissions to tell them I would be coming in September 2017 and to please defer my place thank you thank you thank you very much. I got back into bed just after 7am. Himself woke up, and I told him I had done it, and it was then that I felt a big rush of feelings and started getting weepy. He dozed off, and I checked out the course modules. I texted my dad, my friends. Throughout the day and the next few weeks I got messages of congratulations and support from people who I might not have spoken to in a few years, and I was really truly touched. I am unashamedly so proud of myself, because I worked hard to get here.

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So that’s it! A quick slightly emotional paragraph. I’m still proud, and sometimes a bit disbelieving that it has finally happened for me. I have saved up €5,470 of the €13,000 I will need for first year (there will be a post about how I managed that coming up!) so I’m halfway there.

Let me know in the comments what your offer was like and how you reacted. I believe that looking back on those memories can make long weeks filled with assignments and 13 hour shifts seem a bit better ✿